Shit Happens

In the US of A they are now conducting DNA tests on dog poo! Really. It happened because people were not cleaning up after their four legged companions as they eliminated after a day being cooped up within the confines of their apartments. The moment that the canines smell the freedom and the scent left behind by their fellow apartment dwellers of the dog breed, they immediately take up the squatting position, they deposit their load where the smell starts, and the owners do not clean up.

Consequently the body corporates of the apartment blocks are now charging the people who move into the apartments a DNA sampling fee, and the moment that they discover the deposit that was made they take a sample, have it tested at $59 a test and they fine the owner of the pooch. One bloke was fined five times in one week, adding up to a neat amount of $500. I am not shitting you!

A bit off course, but relevant as you will see later. My dad worked on the mines and my uncle worked on the mines. If you are below ground and you gotta go… you can’t go. Part of working underground is that you also clean up as you go about your daily tasks. My uncle was shift boss and was going somewhere and picked up a bag of grease and walked with this for a good while. After a while they noticed this distinct ‘aroma’ following them. They just could not trace the origin of said smell. Until it dawned on them that it was indeed escaping from the plastic bag. Some just HAD TO GO!

And so I bring you to the phenomenon that we call the ‘poo bag’.

I do not know why it happens or even how it happens. Could it be stress related? I related during the article titled My IELTS test how I do not need water to want to pee, I just need stress. Maybe a dog is so excited from being able to take a walk, but then so overwhelmed by all the smells of the dogs much bigger than he, that he immediately goes into the spot marking zone. The marking of every little piece of grass and every lamp post I can still understand, but why… why MUST they squat, sometimes in the middle of a walk, while they are being dragged along by their owners who are hoping that the sphincter will contract again while in walking mode, and force out a poop, when they have had the whole day to do nr. two? Maybe they are marking their way back home, like Hansie en Grietjie? I do not know, but my dog always has this primal instinct to poop when we go for a walk.

And that is why, when you get here you will usually see people carrying bags when they go walking with their dogs. It is to pick up whatever gets deposited along the way. It is a rule here, and they mostly adhere to it.

Dear Migrant to the Great South Land,

It is in the humble poo bag that I bring you a little bit of advice for your journey.

Shit happens. Try and be as prepared as possible. Sometimes it will happen at the beginning of your walk, sometimes in the middle and sometimes in the end, sometimes not at all, but it is best to be prepared that it will happen eventually. If you expected it, it is not as catastrophic as the unexpected crap. Because how do you carry it around if you have no bag? You don’t, and then it becomes another’s landmine. And you do not want to do that to someone do you? No, no, no.

Picking up your own shit will stand you in very good stead in life. Whether it is cleaning up after yourself in terms of domestic duties (especially then!) or whether it is in work. Be prepared to do the dirty work early on if it needs be.

Have you ever looked at a dog as it is squatting there, eliminating his bowels? He looks longingly into the distance, dreaming of the dog bums to be sniffed, thinking about the walks yet to be walked, the sticks to be caught. When he is finished he wipes his feet, and off he goes, forgetting about the stuff left behind. The past is the past, there is a future to be lived! Carpe diem!

From me to you, as long as you know that it will happen and you can prepare yourself to know that it will happen, even if you do not know what or how or when, you will also know that you can deal with it.



For more info about pets and picking up after your dog, visit the following link

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